Funny Quotes About Life, Love, and Self 2021
Funny Quotes About Life, Love, and Self – Life throws a lot of hurdles at you. It hits you with curveballs and drags you down. In fact, life may be so bad at times that you just don’t want to get back up and fight for your ambitions.
Aside from optimism and motivation, comedy will keep you going throughout these trying times. Even more importantly, the combination of humour and a good attitude may make a significant impact in one’s life. Having a sense of humour may make even the most terrible situations much more tolerable.
So in this article, we collected a large collection of Funny Quotes About Life, Love, and Self. What better approach to cultivate a hilarious outlook than to read a few of very amusing life quotes?
What are Quotes?
Quotes are a group of words taken from a text or speech that are repeated or copied out, usually with a disclaimer that the author or speaker is not the original.
Funny Quotes About Life.
Here are the funny quotes about life.
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! What a Ride!’”
Hunter S. Thompson
“I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here.”
Arthur C. Clarke
“Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead.”
“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”
“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t. I’m not surprised some people prefer books.”
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction – and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
“Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.”
“If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember.”
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
“Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.”
“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.”
“All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.”
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road’ll take you there”
“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
Marjorie Pay Hinckley
“Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”
“Reality continues to ruin my life.”
“The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.”
“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.”
“A learning experience is one of those things that says, ‘You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.”
“If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”
“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”
“No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it”
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
“Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.”
“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named ‘Bush’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Colin’. Need I say more?”
“When I was your age, television was called books.”
“All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
“Sometimes you know you’ve got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn’t so messed up, it wouldn’t be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you would be a good sign, but in the real world, it isn’t.”
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
“To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.”
“I’d rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.”
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
“Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed! „
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston S. Churchill
“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
George V. Higgins
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
“We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.”
“Short cuts make long delays.”
“When the postman rings twice, don’t answer it.”
“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
“When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed”
Laurell K. Hamilton
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.”
“If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and shouting ‘All gods are bastards!”
“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ’27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.”
“A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”
“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
Jonathan Safran Foer
“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D’s in school. Well, guess what, I get F’s!!!”
“The only way Bex would miss this would be if she were unconscious. And tied up. And in a concrete bunker. In Siberia.”
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
A. A. Milne
“I can’t decide whether I’m a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I’m a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that’s how I know I’m a woman!”
C. JoyBell C.
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
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Funny Quotes About Love.
Life isn’t the same without a sense of humour. We don’t always have to seem solemn when we convey our feelings for someone. So here are funny quotes about love!
1. My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan. – Leopold Fetchner
2. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
3. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris
4. Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller
5. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
6. Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz
7. Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
8. Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb
9. Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. – Judith Viorst
10. I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx
11. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers
12. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
13. A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. – Spanish Proverb
14. He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner
15. Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr
16. Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz
17. Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.
18. Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly
19. Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.
20. What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner
21. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason
22. According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.
23. If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you.
24. Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.
25. My head and my heart will never cease their endless war. When my head says ‘I don’t care, my heart says ‘I do care’. When my head says ‘I’m not thinking about her, my heart says ‘of course you do.’
26. It is not love that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.
27. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein
28. Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. – Thomas Dewar
29. Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns
30. I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it. – Elizabeth Evans
31. The four most important words in any marriage. I’ll do the dishes.
32. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Charles M. Schulz
33. Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen
34. If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love. – Miles Davis
35. My mind works great wonder 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day until I met you.
36. Don’t feel bad if you see your ex with someone else. Remember, our parents taught us to give the things we don’t need to the less fortunate.
37. I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.
38. During my days, the teenagers talk about movies, music and love. Now, all the kids talk about are sex, relationship and heartbreak.
39. Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.
40. Staying in love for more than 5 years is almost impossible. Staying in love with the same person for you’re the rest of your life is a miracle.
41. Marriage does not only require you to deal with expenses and the toilet seat, you also have to deal with feelings and the last resort, the lawyers.
42. Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.
43. You will always be my 11:11 and the name I write in my naughty list.
44. Girls cry their eyes out until they are dry, while boys drink their beers until their mugs are all dried up.
45. I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.
46. I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night and your most painful goodbye.
47. Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.
48. To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
49. Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. – J. P. Senn
50. My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor. – Elayne Boosler
51. When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life. – Richard Lewis
52. Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements. – Kathy Mohnke
53. Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. – Franklin P. Jones
54. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. – Bill Maher
55. My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. – Ray Romano
56. Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. – Professor Irwin Corey
57. A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
58. What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday. – Cindy Garner
59. Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen
60. If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools. – Katherine Mansfield
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Funny Quotes About Self
While making time for self-care might feel daunting or overwhelming, there is lots to be happy about. Here are funny quotes about self.
1. I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.UNKNOWN
2. Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself.ANNE LAMOTT
3. I’m staying home today. I have mood poisoning.UNKNOWN
4. Stop shrinking to fit places you’ve outgrown.UNKNOWN
5. If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid.RIGEL J. DAWSON
6. This looks like a ‘no, thanks’ to me.UNKNOWN
7. I do a thing called ‘what I want.’UNKNOWN
8. A wise woman once said, “fuck this shit” and lived happily ever after.UNKNOWN
9. Talk to yourself like someone you love.UNKNOWN
10. This is my cup of care. Oh, look, it’s empty.UNKNOWN
11. Know your worth, and then make sure to add tax.Unknown
12. Do no harm. Take no shit.Unknown
13. They say good things take time, so that’s why I’m always late.Unknown
14. Be good to your skin. You’ll wear it every day for the rest of your life.RENEE ROULEAU
15. I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.UNKNOWN
16. Resting is a part of the process, even if it’s not a part of the plan.CARLEY SCHWEET
17. When they say, “it runs in the family,” respond with, “this is where it runs out.”UNKNOWN
18. I think you’re doing a beautiful job figuring some heavy shit out.UNKNOWN
19. Self-care is the greatest middle finger of all time.UNKNOWN
20. Be loud about the things that are important to you.UNKNOWN
21. Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you.KATIE REED
22. So she set boundaries and began to rebuild her life.UNKNOWN
23. Get in, loser; we’re healing and falling in love with ourselves again.UNKNOWN
24. She will rise with a spine of steel and roar like thunder, she will rise.NICOLE LYONS
25. RIP to all the hours I spent explaining myself to other people.UNKNOWN
26. Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.UNKNOWN
27. Never apologize for being a powerful fucking woman.UNKNOWN
28. Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.A.A. MILNE
29. Do not pour your sunshine into someone who does not think of you as their sky.UNKNOWN
30. People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty miss the point. The glass is refillable.UNKNOWN
31. Be messy, complicated, and afraid. And show up, anyway.GLENNON DOYLE
32. There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.RUMI
33. She remembered who she was, and the game changed.LALAH DELIAH
34. The hardest part of the journey is believing you are worthy of the trip.GLENN BECK
35. If you’re waiting for a sign, this is it.UNKNOWN
36. If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.UNKNOWN
37. Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do.IRMA KURTZ
38. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.UNKNOWN
39. She had no fucks to give, not even one. And she lived happily ever after.UNKNOWN
40. Be enough for yourself first. The rest of the world can wait.F.W.
41. Current status: distancing myself from bullshit.UNKNOWN
42. I didn’t forget where I came from; I just realized I couldn’t stay there.UNKNOWN
43. I stopped waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and lit that bitch up myself.UNKNOWN
44. Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions.UNKNOWN
45. Sometimes you just need to lie on the couch and read for a couple of years.UNKNOWN
46. Relationship status: committed to growth, self-love, and inner peace.UNKNOWN
47. A glowing woman can help other women glow and still be lit.UNKNOWN
48. I think we should start calling our mistakes ‘growth spurts’ instead.CHERYL HALE
49. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.UNKNOWN
50. Strong women don’t have attitudes; they have standards.UNKNOWN
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Comments and Suggestions
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